Moronic Conversations

involving crows

I was getting my hair cut and couldn’t help eavesdropping on a panicky woman beside me talking, loudly, to her stylist.

“Look all over my scalp and behind my head for scratches. Yesterday I was in the park and a crow dive-bombed me – it was so scary,” she said. “Maybe I should go to the doctor and get a shot.”

“I can’t see anything,” said the stylist. “Get a shot for what?”

“For avian flu of course,” she said dismissively. “Haven’t you heard the news? You can die from it. It’s a pandemic.”

I couldn’t help myself. I turned to her and said, “Crows don’t carry avian flu. They belong to the corvid family so you might have COVID.”

“Ohmigod ohmigod, I have to call my doctor now. I fucking hate crows.”

This incident reminded me of a moronic conversation I had a few months ago. I bought a crow desk lamp but Amazon shipped the wrong colour. After several attempts at reaching a human, I finally spoke to Jasmine in customer service.

“I ordered a black crow lamp and received a white crow, so I need to return it,” I explained.

“We don’t sell white crow lamps,” the 12-year-old replied.

“Well you should get all your ducks in a row and get to know your inventory before taking calls,” I said, in a bit of a huff.

“We don’t sell ducks either,” she said.